Breathing, Without Reaching

 

Painting by Luca Ponsato

Breathing, Without Reaching

I choose silence

not because my heart is empty,

but because it is too full

to be dragged again

through unanswered doors.

There are names

that still knock inside the chest,

memories that rise

without permission,

like tides that do not ask the shore

whether it is ready.

I feel everything.

The weight of unsent words,

the ache of sentences

that end before they begin,

the reflex of reaching

for a voice that once felt like home.

But today

I do not reach.

Today,

I let longing pass through me

without giving it a destination.

I let love exist

without turning it into pursuit.

I let pain sit beside me

without handing it the steering wheel.

This restraint

is not coldness.

It is not pride.

It is a quiet form of care

I am finally offering myself.

Because even now,

even in this distance,

I love only you.

I will keep loving you

for as long as I am alive

not loudly,

not expectantly,

but faithfully,

in a way that asks for nothing back.

With every breath I take,

you will be there with me

not as a presence I can touch,

but as something woven

into the act of breathing itself.

Each inhale remembers you.

Each exhale carries your name

without saying it.

You will remain

in the most sacred chamber of my heart,

a place so pure, so untouched,

that no one else

will ever be able to reach it.

I am learning

that not all love needs to be spoken,

that not all connections

are meant to be continued,

that sometimes the bravest thing

is to stop knocking

and rest your hand on your own chest

until the trembling slows.

And it is always aching.

A quiet, constant ache

that breathes with me,

walks beside me,

never leaving,

never demanding.

I carry the absence

like a delicate truth

not something to fight,

not something to worship,

just something that is.

I do not reach out.

But I breathe.

I endure.

I stay.

And tonight,

that is enough. 🌙 💙